Fed is best

During my pregnancy I constantly heard breast fed is best. The thought of snuggling with my new bundle of joy, taking in his newborn smell while he joyfully satisfied his hunger needs would get me super excited. The naivety of a first time mother made me assume it would come naturally-to the both of us. This thought was further reassured during a prenatal class I attended where they stated that direct skin to skin contact between the mother and the baby will lead to the baby latching on naturally.

However, the reality could not be more different for me. In simple words, my baby did not know how to latch and I did not know how to feed and no, it did not come to us naturally at all. The first night, he just snoozed without a care in the world while the nursing staff literally shoved my breast in his mouth. He refused to feed. At home, it seemed even more difficult. I felt desolate and frustrated and maybe even angry at myself for not being able to do this thing, that is meant to be the best and the most natural act, for my baby. It was harder when the baby would be howling because he would be hungry and I would be unable to feed. I felt like a failure as I would give him formula in tiny cups as advised by the lactation consultant.

After many visits to the lactation consultant, watching endless videos of different feeding positions and a lot of patience and determination my baby and I were able to pull through and finally we became pros at breastfeeding.

Ofcourse, there is no denying the benefits of breastfeeding, not just for the baby but the mother also. However, I think while emphasising the pros of it we forget to highlight how difficult breastfeeding can be. It does not come naturally to everyone and it can take a major toll on a mother's mental health. It was most definitely the hardest part of giving birth for me-yes, more than labour. Now when I look back at that time, the days that felt like would never end, I remember it as an extremely challenging, lonely and sad time. I wish I had not been so hard on myself. I wish I had told myself that my sanity and peace was also extremely important for my baby's wellbeing. I wish instead of telling myself, breastfed is best, I had just said, fed is best!